Excerpt from a local Blog:
OMINOUS UNKNOWN
EX-ADMIN IS STILL
AT LARGE.
After weeks of unexplained blocks, the ominous unknown admin is still on the rise. After little evidence has been found, a young boy states that he survived one of the admin's bans and bravely tells his story.
"I sperged out on chat and left in the middle of the night," says the boy, "I saw that for some reason the chat window was still open open, even though I remember it being closed before I logged into my Tumblr. I moved the mouse and pressed the "X" button once more. Afterwards, I went back to playing Fallout New Vegas. That's when I had a strange feeling, like someone was watching me. I paused the game, and nearly jumped out of my chair. There, in the little chat window, illuminating from my computer, was a username. It wasn't a regular username; it was a dark, ominous username. It was bordered in black and... just plain out terrified me. That's when I saw her little star next to the name. A shiny, unwarranted star that made every hair on my body stand up. The user stayed there, watching me. Finally, after what seemed like forever, she typed it. A simple phrase, but typed in a way only an emotionless whore could type it.
"She said, 'Le Funny Banana Meme.' I let out a scream, that's what sent her at me. She pulled up a leather boot; aiming at my username. She "joke-kicked" me a few times. I fought him back; I raged, I begged, I threatened to report her to staff, trying to get her to stop kicking me. That's when Skepolo busted in. The woman global'd him, it actually took him a while to get unbanned. She probably would've finished him off, if one of the users hadn't alerted Skelly.
"He came to the wiki, and ran towards the chat. The woman turned and exited the chat. I heard a noise, like someone pinging me. As I checked to see who it was, I saw the that the message was written in unreadable zalgo. Moments later, someone linked her user page and saw some HLM quote that implied she rage-quit. I can tell you one thing, I will never forget that admin. Her emotionless way of talking, and that edginess of her. They will never leave my head."
Other admins are still on the look for this woman. If you see anyone that fits the description in this story, please contact whatever admins on chat so we can b8 her lol xdd.
Spacky and her family had just moved into a new wiki. Her dad had gotten a promotion at work, making him lods of emone and they thought it would be best to live in one of those "memetic" wikis. Spacky and her sister Totem couldn't complain though. A new, better house. What was not to love? As they were getting unpacked, another user came by.
"Hello," he said, "I'm GF1; I live across the street from you. Well, I just wanted to introduce myself and to introduce the lads." He turns around and calls the lads. "Guys, these are our new users." They all said said "hi" and "k" and ran back to spamming memes.
"Well," said Spacky's mom, "I'm [Unimportant plot device], and this is my husband [Unimportant rich plot device], and my two daughters, Spacky and Totem." They each introduced themselves, and then GF1 invited them to some banter with the lads. Spacky and her sister were about to object, when their mother said that they would love to. When Spacky and her family were done unpacking, Spacky went up to her mom.
"Mom why do you do this to me? I'm literally rich and perfect I can't hang out with a bunch of teenagers that spam memes all day ;cc."
"Spacky," said her mother, "We just moved here; we should show that we want to spend time with the community. Now, we're to have a good time with the lads, and that's final." Spacky started to talk, but stopped herself, knowing that she couldn't do anything. Whenever her mom said something, it was final. She walked up to her room and plopped down on her bed. She sat there looking at her ceiling when suddenly, she got a weird feeling. Not so much a pain, but... a weird feeling. She dismissed it as just some random (XD) feeling. She heard her mother call her down to get her stuff, and she walked down to get it.
The next day, Spacky walked down stairs to get breakfast and got ready for school. As she sat there, eating her breakfast, she once again got that feeling. This time it was stronger. It gave her some strange need to listen to Linkin Park, but she once again dismissed it. As she and Totem finished breakfast, they walked down to the "Join the Chat" button. They sat there waiting for the chat to load, and then, all of a sudden, some kid on a skateboard jumped over them, only inches above their laps. They both jumped back in surprise. "Hey, what the hell?"
The kid landed and turned back to them. He kicked his skateboard up and caught it with his hands. The kid seems to be about twelve; one year younger than Spacky. He wears a shirt with a Greek flag and ripped blue jeans.
"Well, well, well. It looks like we got some new lolcows." Suddenly, two other kids appeared. One had a smug look on his face and the other one kept occasionally looking at the two other guys nervously. "Well, since you're new here, I'd like to introduce ourselves, over there is Soviet." Spacky and Totem looked over to the smug-looking kid. He quietly chuckled and whispered "Lol autists". "And she's Tuna." They looked over at the seemingly insecure kid. Talk about trying too hard. This kid looked like she was just trying to fit in and failing horribly.
"And I," said the first kid, "I'm SG. Now, for all the new users in this wiki there is a small price for entering the chat, if you catch my drift." Totem stood up, ready to punch the lights out of the kid's eyes when one of his friends got him a nice, shiny leather boot. "Tbh lad, I had hoped you would be more cooperative, but it seems we must do this the hard way." The kid walked up to Totem and took her Trollpasta Premium Account MembershipTM out of her pocket. Spacky got that feeling again. Now, it was truly strong; a burning sensation. She stood up, but Totem gestured her to sit down. Spacky ignored her and walked up to the kid.
"Listen here you douche, I would 10/10 kill you if I got paid, so you better leave me alone."
"HAHAHAHAH-" SG had started laughing so hard that his sides would've probably exploded if it weren't for the fact that Spacky popped him in the nose. As SG reached for his face, Spacky grabbed the kid's wrist and broke it, or at least she tried to, instead when she grabbed SG's wrist, he just kicked her so hard she fell to the ground, luckily she was holding onto his wrist the whole time, which broke it, I guess. SG screamed various slurs that are against ToU and therefore unable to be shown here and Spacky grabbed the leather boot from his hand. Tuna and Soviet tried to bait Spacky, but Spacky was too cool to be baited by some teenagers on the internet B^). She kicked SG. Soviet sperged out at her, but Spacky ignored it and kicked him as well. Soviet dropped to the ground screaming, Spacky then proceeded to say a HLM quote and stepped on his arm, breaking it. Tuna sperged at her too, but Spacky didn't even need the boot. She just baited Tuna until she went down angrily. As she fell, she puked all over out of rage. Totem could do nothing but look in amazement at Spacky.
"Spacky how'd you-?" that was all she said. They saw that the chat was finishing to load finally (Wikia was being glitchy again) and knew they'd be blamed for the whole thing. So they started running as fast as they could. As they ran, they looked back and saw The Damn Batman rushing over to SG and the others. As Spacky and Totem made it to the chat (they had to go there manually), they didn't dare tell what happened. All they did was sit and listen. Totem just thought of that as her sister pwning a few users, but Spacky knew it was more. It was something edgy. As she got that feeling she felt how powerful it was, the urge to just kill... someone. She didn't like how it sounded, but she couldn't help feeling something resembling happiness. She felt that strange feeling go away, and stay away for the entire day on chat. Even as she walked home due to the whole thing near the chat button, and how now she probably wouldn't be entering the chat that way anymore, she felt good. When she got home her parents asked her how her day was, and she said, in a somewhat ominous voice, "It was a wonderful day. cc;" Next morning, she heard a knock at her front door. She walked down to find Callofduty4 at the door, her mother looking back at her with an angry look.
"Spacky, CoD4 tells me that you attacked 3 other users maliciously. That it wasn't regular fighting, and that they sperged out to the point of tears.They cried, Spacky!" Spacky's gaze fell to the floor, showing her mother that it was true.
"Mom, they were the ones who started baiting Totem and I, I only talk when spoken to :C."
"Spoooky Skeletons," said CoD4, "We found three users, two crying, one having a panic attack, and we have witnesses proving that you fled the scene. Now, what does that tell us?" Spacky knew it was no use. She could say her and Totem had been "harassed", but then there was no proof it was not them who "harassed" first. They couldn't say that they weren't fleeing, because truth be told they were. So Spacky couldn't defend herself or Totem.
"Spoooky Skeletons, call down your sister." Spacky couldn't do it, since it was her who baited all of the users.
"Sir, it was me. I was the one who baited the users. Totem tried to hold me back, but she couldn't stop me." CoD4 nodded.
"Well kid, looks like you're getting global'd for a year..."
"Wait!" says Totem. They all looked up to see her holding a bag labeled "b8". CoD4 pulled out his ban hammer and pointed it to Totem.
"It was me, I beat up those little cucks. I have the caps to prove it." She linked an Imgur gallery that contained screencaps of her seemingly constantly baiting the users until they quit.
"TotemUxie, put the bait down," said Callofduty4. Totem held up the bait and dropped it to the ground. She put her hands up and walked over to CoD4.
"No Totem, it was me. I did it." Spacky had pseudo-tears running down her face.
"Huh, poor sis. Trying to take the blame for what I did. Well, take me away." CoD for led Totem out to the Community Central wiki.
"Totem, tell them it was me. Tell them please. I'm literally crying right now :ccccc." Spacky's mother put her hands on Spacky's shoulders.
"Spacky please, you don't have to lie. We know it's Totem, she always spams our inboxes, you can stop." Spacky watched helplessly as CoD4 teleports to the CC wiki with Totem. A few minutes later Spacky's dad pulled into the driveway, seeing Spacky's face and knowing something was wrong.
"Spacky, honey, what is it?" Spacky couldn't answer. Spacky's dad tried to give her a bag of money to cheer her up, but it was no use. Instead, Spacky's mother walked her father inside to break the bad news to him as Spacky tried to weep in the driveway, until she remembered she was emotionless and had never been "sad". After an hour or so Spacky walked back into the house, seeing that her parents were both shocked, sad, and disappointed. She couldn't look at them. She couldn't see how they thought of Totem when it was her fault. She just went to sleep, trying to get the whole thing off her mind. Two days went by, with no word from Totem since she was blocked, she couldn't even talk to her outside the wiki because she was never online. No friends to hang out with. Nothing but guilt and emptiness. That is until Saturday, when Spacky is woken up by her mother, with a happy, sunshiny face.
"Spacky it's the day." she said as she opened up the curtains and let light flood into her room.
"What, what's today?" asked Spacky as she stirs awake.
"Why, today we'll be having some good times with the lads." She was now fully awake.
"Mom, you're joking, right? You don't expect me to go and do annoying things with those guys..." There was a long pause.
"Spacky, we both know what happened. I think some banter with the lads could be the thing that brightens up the past days. Now, get dressed." Spacky's mother walked out of the room and downstairs to get ready herself. She fought herself to get up. She picked out a random shirt and pair of jeans and walked down stairs. She saw her mother and father all dressed up; her mother in a dress and her father in a suit. ''Why they would ever wear such fancy clothes to a circlejerk? ''She thought.
"Spacky, is that all you're going to wear?" said Spacky's mom.
"Better than wearing too much. c;" she said. Her mother pushed down the feeling to yell at her and hid it with a smile.
"Now Spacky, we may be over-dressed, but this is how you go if you want to make an impression." said her father. Spacky grunted and went back up to her room.
"They'll call you show-offs, also I don't have any fancy clothes." she yelled down stairs.
"Just pick out something." Called her mother. Spacky looked around in her closet for what she would call fancy. She found a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots she wore for special occasions along with an undershirt. She couldn't find a shirt to go with it though. She looked around, and found only striped and patterned shirts. None of which go with slutty skirts. Finally she found an MCR T-Shirt and just put it on.
"You're wearing that?" they both said. Her mother looked at her watch. "Oh, no time to change. Let's just go." She said as she herded Spacky and her father out the door. They crossed the street over to GF1's house. They knocked on the door and it appeared that GF1, just like her parents, was way over-dressed. As they walked inside all Spacky could see were bronies and FNAFtards, not regular chat people to have banter with.
"The lads are out in the yard. Spacky, how about you go and meet some of them?" said GF1.
Spacky walked outside to a yard full of TPWC users. They were running around shouting weird overused memes and playing Board Game Online. She might as well be standing in s4s or something (le channel 4 knowledge makes me kewl??). Suddenly Lolliepuff came up to her and handed her some memes and a link to the game.
"Spacky join?" he said.
"Ah, no kid. I'm way too mature and perfect for this stuff, what kind of game is it anyways?." Lollie looked at her with that weird puppydog face.
"Pl0x" said another user, D Wulf. It would've been cool if they had at least 5 players. "Fine" said Spacky. She started spewing memes and playing the game. At first she thought it was totally ridiculous, but then she started to actually have fun. It might not have been super cool, but it was the first time she had done something that took her mind off of Totem. So she played with the lads for a while, until she heard a noise. A weird rolling noise. Then it hit her. SG, Tuna, and Soviet all jumped over the fence on their skateboards. Spacky closed the game and dropped the memes. SG looked at Spacky with a burning desire to bait.
"Hello Spacky hte whor" he said. "We have some unfinished business." Spacky saw his bruised nose."I think we're even. I kicked the crap out of you, and you get my sister global'd."
SG got an angry look in his eyes. "Oh no, I don't go for even, I go for overkill. You may have kicked our asses that one day, but not today." As he said that SG rushed at Spacky. They both fell to the ground. SG repeatedly kicked Spacky 17 times, and Spacky banned him 4 times. After some sexual tension, Spacky pushed SG off of her and both rose to their feet. TPWC users were running around and grabbing all of the popcorn they could. That's when SG got an idea.
"Lads, bait Spacky, it'll be hilarious."
Everyone's faces brightened up when he said that, they all immediately got their bags full or bait and started throwing it at her. Although a major distraction because she could not stop taking the bait, she kept fighting. Eventually SG and Spacky fought their way to the house.
"Come on Spacky, fight me!" He picks Spacky up and throws her into the kitchen "Just where you belong" he said smugly. SG sees a bottle of vodka on the counter and smashes the glass over Spacky's head.
"Fight!" He throws Spacky back into the living room.
"Come on Spacky, look at me you twink slut!" Spacky glances up, her face riddled with blood. "I was the one who got your sister global'd! And now you're just gonna sit here and let her rot there for a whole year! You should be ashamed!" Spacky starts to get up.
"Oh, finally! you stand and fight!" Spacky is now to her feet, blood and vodka on her face. Once again she gets that strange feeling, the one which she hasn't felt for a while. "Finally. She's up!" says SG as he runs at Spacky. That's when it happens. Something inside Spacky snaps. Her common sense is destroyed, all rational thinking is gone, all she can do, is be edgy. She grabs SG and pile drives him to the ground. She gets on top of him and says "I guess I don't need money to kill...someone, after all. Haha". The amount of edge causes SG's heart to slice clean in two. As SG gasps for breath. Spacky hammers down on him. Kick after kick, blood gushes from SG's body, until he takes one final breath, and dies. Spacky then starts laughing like the edgy psycho she is and licks all the blood of off her face.
Everyone is looking at Spacky now. Just what she wanted, attention. The bronies and FNAFtards, the mesmerized TPWC users, even Tuna and Soviet. Although they easily break from their gaze and point at the PrtSc button they're about to press to take caps. Spacky sees LightshotTM trained on her and runs for the stairs. As she runs Tuna and Soviet press the PrtSc button like there's no tomorrow, each shot just not good enough. Spacky runs up the stairs. She hears Tuna and Soviet follow up behind. As they let out their final rounds of presses before they give up, Spacky ducks into the bathroom. She grabs a shiny metal ban hammer and rips it off the wall (Don't ask how it got there). Tuna and Soviet race in, bait ready.
Tuna swings her bait at Spacky, who backs away and bangs the ban hammer into Tuna's face. Tuna goes down hard and now all that's left is Soviet. He is more agile than Tuna though, and ducks when Spacky swings the ban hammer. He dropped the bait and grabbed Spacky by the neck. He pushed her into the wall. A collector's edition of Holtline Miami 2, which was inside a hard metal case fell down on top of her head from the top shelf, then a thing of bleach. It burnt both of them and they both started to scream. Spacky wiped her eyes as best as she could. She pulled back the hammer and swung it straight into Soviet's head. As he lay there, bleeding to death, he let out an ominous smile.
"What's so funny?" asked Spacky. Soviet pulled out a lighter and switched it on. "What's funny," he said, "Is that first of all, you're acting so retarded right now, it's hilarious, second of all, you're covered in bleach and alcohol." Spacky's eyes widened as Soviet threw the lighter at her. As soon as the flame made contact with her, nothing happened, because that actually doesn't do anything. However she flinched and got scared really hard and slammed against the shelf, then a bowling ball fell on top of her. Spacky let out a weak "ouch..." before trying to go down the stairs, unfortunately she fell down 14 steps of cold wooden stairs. The last thing Spacky saw was her mother and some of the bronies/FNAFtards rushing to her aid. That's when she passed out.
When Spacky woke she had a thick cast wrapped around her head. She couldn't see anything, but she felt another cast on her shoulder, and stitches all over her body. She tried to stand up, but she realized that there was some tube in her arm, and when she tried to get up it fell out, and a nurse rushed in.
"I don't think you can get out of bed just yet." she said as she put Spacky back in her bed and re-inserted the tube. Spacky sat there, with no vision, no idea of what her surroundings were. Finally, after hours, she heard her mother.
"Honey, are you okay?" she asked. Spacky couldn't answer though, her face was covered, and she was unable to speak. "Oh honey, I have great news. After all the witnesses told the staff that SG confessed trying to bait you, they decided to unban Totem." This made Spacky almost bolt up, stopping halfway, remembering the tube coming out of her arm. "She'll be out by tomorrow, and then you two will be able to be together again."
Spacky's mother hugs Spacky and says her goodbyes. The next couple of weeks were those where Spacky was visited by her family. Then came the day where her bandages were to be removed. Her family were all there to see it, what she would look like. As the doctors unwrapped the bandages from Spacky's face everyone was on the edge of their seats. They waited until the last bandage holding the cover over her face was almost removed.
"Let's hope for the best," said the doctor. He quickly removes the cast; letting everyone see Spacky's new look.
Spacky's mother screams at the sight of her face. Totem and Spacky's dad stare awe-struck at her face.
"What? What happened to my face?" Spacky said. She rushed out of bed and ran to the bathroom. She looked in the mirror and saw the cause of the distress. Her face. It... it's horrible. She seemed to have somehow gotten a goth/emo look while recovering...somehow. Her lips had some sort of black lipstick on them . Her face had pure white makeup all over it, and her hair singed from brown to black. She slowly put her hand to her face. She could ''feel'' the edge. She looked back at her family then back at the mirror.
"Spacky," said Totem, "It's not that bad..."
"Not that bad?" said Spacky," It's perfect, I'm perfect." Her family were equally surprised. Spacky started laughing uncontrollably. Her parents noticed that her left eye and hand were twitching.
"Uh... Spacky, are you okay?"
"Okay? I've never felt happy until now! LOL XD, look at me. This face goes perfectly with me." She couldn't stop attention-whoring. She stroked her face, feeling it. Looking at it in the mirror. What caused this? Well, you may recall that when Spacky was fighting SG something in her mind, her common sense snapped. Now she was left as an edgy attention-whoring machine that is, her parents didn't know.
"Doctor," said Spacky's mom, "Is my daughter... alright, you know. In the head?"
"Oh yes, this behavior is typical for patients that might have suffered from extreme brain damage, she might also have started going through a phase, either that, or she has autism. If it doesn't stop in four weeks I'm afraid she has the latter. Call us to set a appointment for treatment if that's the case."
"Oh thank you doctor." Spacky's mother went over to Spacky. "Spacky, sweety. It's time to go."
Spacky looks away from the mirror, her face still formed into a crazy smile. "Kay mom! Oh also my name isn't Spacky anymore. From now on I shall be called SARDONYXXX!!" her mother grabbed her by the shoulder and took her to get her clothes.
"This is what came in," said the lady at the desk. SARD's mom looked down to see the black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and MCR T-Shirt her daughter wore. Now they were clean of blood and now stitched together. SARD's mother led her to her room and made her put her clothes on. Then they left, not knowing that this was their final day of life.
Later that night, SARD's mother woke to a sound coming from the bathroom. It sounded as if someone was crying. She slowly walked over to see what it was. When she looked into the bathroom she saw a horrendous sight. Spacky had taken a knife and was cutting herself while listening to Linkin Park's "Crawling".
"Spack- I mean SARDONYXXX, what are you doing?" asked her mother.
SARD looked over to her mother. "I couldn't stop thinking suicidal thoughts after a while mom, I felt really depressed ;cc" SARD's mother noticed her eyes, ringed in black.
"SARD, your eyes!" Her eyes were seemingly never closing.
"I decided to try this new look I saw in a goth magazine. I put on all of the eyeliner that I could so people would forever notice me; my new face." SARD's mother slowly started to back away, seeing that her daughter was getting edgier by the second. "What's wrong mom? Aren't I literally perfect?
"Yes honey," she said, "Yes you are. L-let me go get daddy, so he can see your face." She ran into the room and shook SARD's dad from his sleep. "Honey, get the rat poison ready, SARD's gone ed-" She stopped as she saw SARD in the doorway, holding a leather boot.
"Hey mom, wanna see a funny picture?." That's the last thing they hear as SARD perma bans them. Vandalizing both of their profiles with le funny banana.
"I only posted it once" She before going to the next room.
Her sister Totem woke up, startled by some noise. She didn't hear anything else, so she just shut her eyes and tried to go back to sleep. As she was on the border of slumber, she got the strangest feeling that someone was watching her. She looked up, before SARD's hand covered her mouth. She slowly raised the boot ready ban Totem. Totem thrashed here and there trying to escape SARD's grip.
"Gotta get a grip," SARD said. "Just die literally."
{{by-user|FriedTunaWaffles}}